REVIEW: ‘Alva’ (2019) is Rubbish, in the Purest Sense

“A hollow, misguided foray into slow cinema” Ahhhhhh, slow cinema. Slooooooow cinemaaaaaa. Cinema that take a very looooong time on veeeeeery little plot. Cinema that moves. As. Fast. As. A. Slug. On. Xanax. Sit back. Try not to fidget. It’s aaaaaaaaaart, darling. Here’s the thing: I’m generally pretty sympathetic towards this sort of stuff. There’s…

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